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Sep 2018
It hides beneath her skin
It lurks in her mind
It shimmers underneath her smiles and happy times
You can't always see it
But it never, ever leaves

The turbulent thoughts that swirl in a slipstream
They never really disperse
It may seem as though the world is at peace
But to her, it's falling apart at the seams.

How couldn't you see it?
Why didn't you try?
You only saw what you wanted in her
You never noticed the tears she cried
Only if it suited you
Did you hold her close
I hope the thought of it makes you choke.

It was always in the bathrooms at 3 am when everyone else was asleep
When there was no one else in her entire world
When she was so far beyond help, so far gone
She ached over you and it didn't matter
Not in the end
For you, she had her last breath.

Do you see it now?
All of the times where she laughed too hard
Where she smiled too wide
Everything was a lie
How couldn't you see it?

I bet that it's so clear
Now that she's no longer here
I bet you're disgusted with yourself
I hope you choke on the guilt
Because you see it now, don't you?
How the pain was eating her from the inside
How her smiles never reached the deadness in her eyes

Now you see it
When she's gone
You only know how much you cared
After it's been ripped from you, too.

Now you see it
The way she loved you so hard
How her eyes always seemed to find you in a crowded room
The smiles and laughter that was only for you
I hope you choke on the flower petals that she coughed for you
Because, in the end, all of her pain and suffering?
Don't you see?
It was all for you.
To a ******* who doesn't know what he's doing is killing me slowly
Written by
Ariel  20/F
   Em MacKenzie
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