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Sep 2018
Let’s cut to the chase this is a piece about how he left
I sat down and told myself I should start with retellings of scenes you’d see in movies
But I’m not like him
I refuse to captivate you with flowery words only to realize they’ve wilted from the moment they bent out of my lips
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I wish he was like the others
Those who sat me down and told me it was over
Or sent me a text saying “We need to talk”
But no, he, he took his time leaving
Like he would always do every time he’d walk me home
He’d stop on sidewalks and point out the smallest things that would mystify him
Just so I’d forget he’d be leaving in the end

He left while holding my hand
His grip just enough to not let go but not tight enough to want to keep
Like receipts you’d hold on to while looking for a place to throw it in

He left with ok’s
Do you want to eat? Ok.
Let’s visit a museum today! – Ok.
Whatever. Goodnight. Just leave. – Ok.
I hate you – Ok.
I love you – Ok.
He said it too much, I’ve forgotten how his voice sounded saying anything else

He left with “You don’t understand”
Which was funny because he never really tried to let me
Like how my dad would tell me to go inside my room because “grown ups” had to talk

He left with silence and eyes that never met mine

He left a long time ago
With his body right next to mine
His fingers touching the veins that ran at the back of my hand
He left a long time ago
No one just wanted to say it out loud
Because no one ever wants to be the villain of the story

So, I, I let go
I pushed him out the door because someone had to do it
He’d been standing right in front of it for so long, like a student waiting to be given a hall pass I guess that’s what Catholic school taught him,
To never leave without asking permission

So, here it is
I have always tried to keep you
But let’s face it, you always wanted to leave
You just didn’t want it to be your fault
So, I’ll let it be mine
You can go tell your friends about your heartbreak now
Abby Elbambo
Written by
Abby Elbambo  Qatar/Philippines
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