I own a good chin to lift,
a look that threatens from a distance.
Yet the shield I pretend to put on is rusty, shattered, almost broken.

So I walk out, shield up,
and yet
I shiver if i only get a hint of a scent,
reminding me of someone who ****** me without permission.

Sometimes, I forget the amount of my anger
But, if it bares meaning,
I understand it.
Not only mine, but the anger of many women,
who woke up in someone's bed
and left there smelling of a body they didn't choose to smell of.

Don't tell me I should've said "No".
Because sometimes the mouth doesn't listen to the body,
body doesn't listen to the brain,
the brain is not aware of that.

months later you'll be sobbing with the realization that
you're afraid of the man you trust most of all,
your own father,
only because he produces testosterone.

Months ago, it happened too fast.
I didn't say "No".
They didn't give me time to do it.

As I was leaving, eyes clenched to my feet,
hands clenched into fists,
words clenched into my mouth,
I let him hug me as he was trying to make it all seem acceptable.

**** all of you.
I will never be the same.
I will never be able to forget.