Sometimes I sit and wonder
who would I want to be
if I weren't me?
Would I be that girl who always
accomplishes her goals?
Would I be that woman
who made it to the top?
But then I start to wonder,
to the top of what?

Sometimes I'll sit and daydream....
of something spectacular I want to do.
But I can never fully grasp
what that spectacular thing is.
I run from one dream to another
with no closure
and never really waking up
from the dream.

Sometimes I'll sit and think about
yesterday, or ten years ago... or twenty
and I question why I did the things I did.
Some events were easy,
some were difficult....
and I pat myself on the back
for making it
through those tough times.
Then I scold myself
for not accomplishing more
during the easy times.

But most of the time
I just worry a lot.
I worry about the future.
How will I ever afford to fully retire?
How will my children care
for an elderly mother?
How much longer will I live?

Sometimes I simply look around me
and drink in the here and now.
Sometimes I feel so full of love and joy I could burst!
So many things to be thankful for,
so many.

I know now that life goes by so quickly.
So lately when I sit and wonder about my life,
I think the best way I can spend the rest of it
is by simply thinking of others and doing for others.
Even some simple little thing
like bringing someone flowers,
or visiting someone lonely....
might just be the most important things
I can ever do with the rest of my life.