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Aug 2018
How long these empty hours between sleep and dreams
And the comfort they bring
Far away from my failures and shortcomings.
No job
No car
No prospects.
A broken family I seldom see.
Two past felonies
For breaking glass
Holding me back
Limiting my prospects.
Off track
And there are no do overs.
So I'm left with lifeless days
The same sad routine
Drinking once a week
For the sheer change of the hungover day
And as the alcohol helps pass the time away.
I am not living life
But I am not dead.
Wasting the moments
Laying around in front of the TV
Rewatching old series on Netflix just to occupy my mind.
No one said life would be kind
But at times it seems downright cruel.
Trapped by foolish mistakes and self righteous acts
But if you were to ask I'd say I'm doing fine.
I have a roof over my head
Some simple food
And far too much free time.
I have home furnishings
All the trappings of a normal life
But this is not existence
This is wasting.
Disillusioned with society I choose to live in solitude
But I am not lonely
Simply alone with my regrets and the memories that torment me
And the ones that make me smile while looking back to where I've been.
Missing out on the lives of my children.
I never thought I'd be a deadbeat
But then again I never thought I'd live this long.
I was doomed from the start
An outsider looking in
Never able to make a real connection
But life goes on
And I look forward to heaven
And the world that sleep and dreams have opened up to me.
The time when I'm truly happy,
And I am not blameless in this circumstance
But I am not wholly to blame.
Life has a way of driving the sensitive and empathic away,
Intellegince can be punishing.
I see and feel the world declining and I cannot help but fall.
Sometimes I wish for the end
Sometimes I wish I could start it all over again and do things differently
Sometimes I believe this empty soulful solitude was just my destiny
But for whatever reason I am stuck here
Wasting the days,
Wasting away.
Written by
Jason James  38/M
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