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Aug 2018
My toxic mind is my escape
These days,
I confuse pain for anger

Anger for pain

I invest, but never earn
I ask myself: will I learn?
I already know.

My hopes turn to dust,
When death whispers no.
I wish... I become optomistic...
I tell myself don't.

Sometimes I feel as though I want to live
I can not hold on,
When there is no rope.

I have fallen down the wishing well...
I have fallen in a hole.

Vitriolics follow me and I,
Can not see my life through a bigger scope.

I look at all the stars and know
I am the daughter of the sun itself
I am not the center just the product
Of perfect hell.

I ask myself: will I always be afraid?

I look through my clear tears
They burn my eyes
I forgot about the oil & salt.

Soap could clean it up.
Yet I wonder, who cleans the soap when it is filth?

I want the dirt to disappear
I want to swipe away the dust
I want to rid myself of disgust,
For whatever I broke inside, me.

How can I forgive when you're the reason I do not want to live?

I have been dying

I would give in
I would crumple
At this point I am not even sure how,

I wallow and swallow down my pain.
I drain myself of all mistakes.
I still drown.

Right when I am on the brink of peace
My mind reminds me:
There is nothing I can do to escape
I am still in myself, at the end of the day.
Written: 8.28.18

Everything that allows me to be free and to imagine holds me captive. Everything that was pure is still my mind, just coated in black ink. I am myself but I am unclean. My inner self is my only purity. And even she was ****** away in a tornado.
Shadow Puppet
Written by
Shadow Puppet  17/F/Ohio
(17/F/Ohio)   
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