i see you from across the room.
every word i want to say
immediately vacates my mind.

countless nights wasted away
planning my course of action.

'what tone of voice do i use?'
'am i allowed to use your name?'
'can i make eye contact?'

as i begin to saunter towards you,
i feel as though my feet are cinder blocks.
my hands have never shaken so indomitably.
my lungs are pumping air i cant breathe.

everything is moving so slow,
yet before i know it,
your name escapes from between my lips so effortlessly,
like ive never stopped saying it.

but the moment you looked up
and your eyes met mine,
all of the lust,
love,
pain,
and loss
you had once implanted in me
flooded my heart.
i am nearly drowning.

my voice is quivering
and tears are swelling in my eyes.
yet somehow,
in some such way,
my head is clear.
i know what i want to profess to you.

the words pour out of my mouth
like a child spilling a drink.
there is no pause,
no break,
it all comes out at once.
everything i have wanted to,
needed to
get off of my chest
for much too long of a time
to be healthy.

you feel so distant.
so disconnected
as if i never meant a thing to you.
i can see it in your eyes, though.
the guilt is wearing you thin.
youve always been good at suppressing emotions
you dont want others to see.

i say my final few words
and you dont say a thing.
you stand there,
a stone cold boulder,
trying to not erode.
listening or not,
there you were
tarrying unbroken eye contact.

i turn away
instantaneously being able
to catch my breath.

i never realized how much closure means to me
until now.