My wife's been whining for some time now
Wanting me to take her on a cruise
Now we've been married for twenty-five years
So she wasn't gonna let me refuse

So we packed up our bags and off we went
Kinda like a second honeymoon
I said, "Fix us some sandwiches to eat on the way"
Then I told her we'd be there soon

She said, "Where are we going Hawaii or Bahamas?"
I said, "This place is better than that"
We stopped at a place that said, "Paddle Boats Here"
I said, "We're here, now don't forget your hat"

Well, now needless to say, I did something wrong
'Cause my wife started throwing such a fit
We went around circles for at least twenty minutes
'Cause everytime I'd paddle, she'd quit

Now I wasn't gonna pay for no life perservers
My bicycle tubes worked fine
My wife had that tube wrapped around her neck
And both of her hands around mine

Well, to make a long story short, she'll never forget
That time I took her on a cruise
And everytime I even try to forget it
I remember that horrible bruise