I don’t think I’ve ever been so completely hated
By someone I so completely loved.
Maybe if I stare long enough
Into the curve of this spoon
It will take me into the past
So I can change the things that now lie behind me.
Maybe if I stare long enough at my reflection
In the windows of this old dilapidated house,
The weights I feel on my shoulders
Will become real
And I’ll actually be able to shrug them off.
Maybe if I keep pretending I’m fine with the goodbye I left you with,
I’ll actually gain the confidence I said it with.
Maybe the things I said will be true.
And I will at least
Have
You.
But the spoon is in the dish-pit,
And the windows are being washed.
The surroundings are new,
There is no you
Here.
Why can’t I clean you out of my head
Like I cleaned you out of my life.
Why can’t I forget all the times you told me the opposite
Of that one sentence you left me with.
Why does that one sentence,
Get to be the ruling power
Why does that one sentence
Get to fill my head.
Why does the one sentence
Erase an entire summer.
Erase upwards of 20,000 texts.
Erase my smile.
Why do you believe her
When all she’s done
Is tear us apart.
You didn’t even hear my side
Before you cut the final thread.

I hope you feel better.
I hope hating me is doing things for you.
I hope you’re channeling all those thoughts that made you feel like a dying flower
Into an anger at me
And I hope you can write again.
Because your best friend is gone,
And now I’m gone too.
There was only ever so much I could do
And now my time is through.

For a little while there,
You were the stars in my sky.
The sun shone out of your ***,
And my shoulder was your eternal tissue.
You made me a better person.
I wanted to be a better person for you.

Emotions are a funny thing.
I’m trying to shut mine off.
I think you’ve lost yours.