i fell in love with the sun.
and my heart was so heavy it hurt,
because i was suddenly all big inside, expanding,
like i'd swallowed a ball of glowing, happy light and it was
growing bigger and bigger inside me.

but oh, how i loved that sun.

i loved it when it shone every morning, bright and buoyant and hopeful;
i loved it when it sang cheerily and became the light of the party.
i loved it when it just smiled, dazzling and blinding,
and the whole world fell in orbit around it and everyone's sorrows fell away;
i loved it when it made everyone and everything louder and brighter and more beautiful than ever, magnifying reality.

but i also loved it when it smiled,
small and humbly, the true one
that it kept secret and tucked inside.
i loved it when it was tired and quiet and softer,
less harsh-rays and more warm-diffuse.
i loved it when it needed space and hummed dimly sometimes,
like me.
i loved it when it went shy around me
because i was the one planet it couldn't pull in,
the one planet steadily standing out of orbit,
and it wanted to be the one to fix that.
i loved it when it blazed and burned,
when all that is red poured out relentlessly because it would not stand for this.
i loved it so much it consumed me.

you were my big bright sun,
and you crash landed into my heart, flung out of space,
but now all that remains is a depthless black hole.

you took all the light with you the day you left, because the
darkness was all mine.