Pacing back and fourth
Hands are sweaty
Feeling unsteady
Mind's not ready
What aren't I ready for?
Feeling things?
Not having to fake a smile?
Being genuinely happy?
No, I'm ready for all of those things,
Been ready and waiting for a while.
It's something more,
Something bigger.
And so as I sit here,
pacing back and forth in my mind
I realize what I'm not ready for
I'm not ready to live
All this time I haven't been living
Sure, I've been surviving
Sure, I've been existing
But never truly living,
I am not ready to live.