cold, wet gravel.
the heavy rain is set on the ground.
no longer making sound.
i'm taking a breath and closing my eyes.
my clothes are soaked, my arms spread wide.
lying on the paved road, no one beside me.
i tried to make myself love you.
i cried when i realized i don't.
and when i die, not just on the inside like i am now.
but when i die, my heart stopped and my remains burnt.
the air contains my ashes and i'm no longer here.
i fear my hold on your heart will fade.
and you will find a blade and cut free the ties.
and pry my cold fingers off your warm vessel.
i wrestle with thoughts of going into the dark.
and laying there until the spark of light shines through.
like a candle guiding me to safety i never knew.
you would be standing on the other side.
your arms spread wide, like a harbor for a struggling ship.
and when i go to grip your waist once more,
your figure drifts away, like waves from a shore.
and my ship sinks once more, like so many times before.
then my eyes tore open to see gray skies and an abandoned street.
it was just a dream of this death i keep seeming to cheat.
it seems i can't take a breath without regretting.
this is the perfect setting for a forgetting.
for me to reject all thoughts of you from my mind.
with the fresh air filling my lungs there are no pictures to remind.
remind me of you.
and you knew all along what you were doing.
trapping me like a fly to your web.
a tangled mess of web where many have been stuck before.
where you will **** the life out of every soul.
i payed my toll, i payed the price.
i thought my heart, mind and spirit would suffice.
but i was wrong, you keep finding a way to tug.
tug at my heart strings once more.
i fell like a leaf after cold grips the tree's core.
now the icy breath of winter is breaking down the door.
and i'm still falling, and the floor is still out of reach.
and you're still ******* my soul like a leech.
the world's a stage, and i'll play my roll.
my mask is pretty extravagant and hides my tears so well.
when i ask God to spare me, He points to hell.
He grabs my hand and joints it to His face.
His pity is nothing like His grace.
and i fall once again, but this time into the fiery lake.
and i scream out your name for you to follow.
to save me from this burning hollow.
but you gave no reply.
instead you turned as you waved goodbye.
you deny my existence, defy my name.
the flames rise around me.
you kiss the crimson cheek of the devil.
then her lips, then her neck.
flames licking me now as your tongue envelopes hers.
how you did it, i will never know.
you embrace her slow, thoughts of me nowhere to be found.
i am hell bound as you grasp pleasure's damnable hand.
my eyes expand, it was a dream once more.
i find i'm still lying on the paved, wet floor.
the heavy rain set on the ground.
no longer making sound.
and i look around, you are nowhere to be found.