It's hard to mourn this relationship Because for the first time I realize that my world isn't ending It helps that the relationship changed from my ideal form To whatever it ended up being A while before we broke up I already cried for that part of the relationship I already hurt myself to cope with that This is so much different I've known for awhile now That this relationship was unhealthy So what am I mourning now? I have already hurt for all of the good times we had together The late nights talking The long mornings cuddling And how it turned to silence And distance And emptiness I felt that pain when she got her third partner Because all of those things that I cherished We're ripped away from me immediately And yes that part still stings But it's not as painful as it was Because it's been a few months since then So what am I mourning now? It's hard to say because I don't think I should be sad I want to be happy because I'm free I feel relief but the sadness is still there The pain is still present underneath It's hard to accept this depression Because she is not worth it Because she was emotionally abusive And I don't want to give her that control over me But that doesn't stop the feeling It doesn't stop the hurting If anything it makes it worse because I'm ignoring it I'm not letting myself feel And letting myself let go and grow I know I deserve that much
Since my recent breakup, I shut down all of my feelings. It has not been good for me, so I'm working on giving myself space and permission to feel. This is he start of series I'm writing as I'm feeling things again.