Her heartbeat fades away from my mind as I leave the doctor’s office for the last time
“it’s perfectly normal,” they said when I complained about the blood and the pain
“it’s okay to be anxious,” said the doctor as she ran some tests
“it’s not your fault,” she said as she delivered the results
I had failed my duty as a woman in the world
My baby will not grow, hell, she won’t even be born
All I could bring myself to do was sit on the nursery floor and mourn
“it’s not your fault,” he comforted me through the self-blame that I took on
“but it is, because my body wasn’t strong or in good enough health”
I lay awake for hours afraid to close my eyes,
Because every time I did, that first ultrasound appeared in my mind
Her heartbeat is now an echo that I hear on repeat, soft and faded
It was haunting to say the least…