I dim the lights,
I sit in my bed, listening to the ac drone,
on and on and on.

I blink my tears into the corners of my mouth,
and then wipe em away, because its weird, right?
to eat your tears?

I think of you.
God, had I been made into a body that sees
a good thing.
God, if I had been made into a body, that is drawn to
something better
than what I've allowed.
I say things out loud.
Things I coat in sweetness,
because I love you, too, dude.
Just not in the same way, you do me.
And god, aren't we all looking for that one,
that does us?
And if I did you,
the way I am now.
You'd find the reasons why I shy,
why I know
unsatifactory, I promise.
You say you wont,
But god, thats no way to love.
You are my reason to flee
from the solitude that quite scares me
from the rubbers I use to numb me
to keep me good in bed,
but not quite good enough to get in their head
I avoid the competitive types
I like being wanted but I don't need to know
about the hurt
about who came first
I comprise the story, in my head
every day, and I know
that I'll never be enough
not cause' I didn't try.
But because I've never really wanted to.
Because I've never wanted to be enough