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May 2018
We went to watch a movie tonight.
You and I went to watch a movie tonight.
We were not close, again. You went with your friends. It's understandable.
But I'm selfishly in love.
My heart selfishly belongs to you.
I don't know if I should take the blame for it.

All I ever wanted was to share a moment with you, but now here I am, writing.
And I seem whiny. Again.

Should it hurt? Should you hate me and rip my love away like a band-aid?
Or should I keep living this guilty pleasure of a lifetime?
Tell me please. I'm lost without you. Lose me, so I find my way-- no stay.
Do it. Free me. From doubt, from love. I want you. I can't want you.

What's this gray area? You made it clear.
I'm your friend. Why must I carry this amazing feeling? I love it! Take it away!

If I could hate you, it would be so simple.
But I will never hate you. I am physically incapable of hating you. There's nothing that will make me hate the wonderful person that you are.
But you can hate me. Do it. Despise me like you never despised anyone.

I'll try to come back. I'll ask you to stay. But I can't live this way... even if I want to.
Kiss me goodbye. Take advantage of my feelings to give you an opening and run away. Just don't stick around, or that might not be just a kiss.
Am I of value to you? Then prove it. Do what's best.

As always, in your hands,
That boy who doesn't know what he wants (but does know who he wants)
I'm very lost... I think I'll attempt to stick around again, and if it's too much, then...
Written by
Romann  17/M/France
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