I'm older now

You told me you loved me tonight


I cried

I'm older now
I held him and kissed him goodnight

I'm older now
I went to a restaurant and my mother handed me a glass of wine

I'm older now
Kept quiet in the face of violence

I'm older now
Helped make breakfast

I'm older now
I'm the age they thought appropriate for me to love fiercely

The age they thought okay for you to want me

The age we always talked about like some distant memory

The one we used in all our arguments
All our reasons

Now

I am here

And I don't know what to do with it.

Almost scared to want it

Almost.

I loved all my presents
But they weren't what I really wanted
Despite asking for them

What I want
I am scared to want
What I wanted
Once,





Was you.