May 2018
How come one can pass through a day believing that he has at least seen and achieved mediocre happiness to arrive home and realize his sadness?
A sadness of sorts. Not really sad. More lonely
Though he is self-driven (something his parents and piano teacher are quite proud of)
And yet?
Yet he cannot find fulfillment.
He brinks on the edge of smart individual to scaling the wall of genius
He attempts all things at his disposal and excels to the top of his pond only to look over the edge and see the vast ocean of bigger and better fish
His self-motivation pushes him to yearn for the ocean, the means for his fruition
Even if he was to reach the ocean, gain some weight and eventually become the biggest fish of his kind his satisfaction would not be present
No
The self-motivational man is plagued by eternal shortcomings in the fields of self-satisfaction and self-love
He holds no value for the compliments and praises that he receives from his loving parents
The love displayed toward him do not present an argument valid enough to convince his deductive mind that he is worthy of self-love
His scars become trophies and his trophies a pile of garbage.
His greatest sadness is that he sees a way to fulfillment
Just before him
He could reach-out-and-touch-it should he try
He wants nothing more than to stretch his hand forward and accept the path to love: the path to happiness: the path to satisfaction
And yet?
He cannot bring himself to grab it.
He reaches his hand forward again and again. The ethereal means within his grasp. And yet he cannot take hold.
He cannot hold it because this power before him is greater than him
Everything he has done so far has been done by him and now he must sit back and receive the ethereal grace?
He must surrender
He must not be driven by himself but instead a higher power and although he recognizes the authority of the higher power he does not submit to it
He yearns to be in its presence
And yet?
He cannot surrender for to surrender to it is to deny everything he has ever known.
To accept its grace he must be made new
He must be born again
Until he surrenders entirely (most likely in a long time for the self-driven man is stubborn) he shall experience the lonely dissatisfaction which already plagues him
Until he surrenders entirely his happiness will only be mediocre and fleeting
Disappearing as he walks through his front door and even more intense during the minutes of isolation that he showers each night
And so he passes through life master of nothing, poisoned, for he cannot deny who he is to accept an antidote which he knows is supreme.
A sadness of sorts. Not really sad. More lonely
Though he is self-driven (something his parents and piano teacher are quite proud of)
And yet?
Yet he cannot find fulfillment.
He brinks on the edge of smart individual to scaling the wall of genius
He attempts all things at his disposal and excels to the top of his pond only to look over the edge and see the vast ocean of bigger and better fish
His self-motivation pushes him to yearn for the ocean, the means for his fruition
Even if he was to reach the ocean, gain some weight and eventually become the biggest fish of his kind his satisfaction would not be present
No
The self-motivational man is plagued by eternal shortcomings in the fields of self-satisfaction and self-love
He holds no value for the compliments and praises that he receives from his loving parents
The love displayed toward him do not present an argument valid enough to convince his deductive mind that he is worthy of self-love
His scars become trophies and his trophies a pile of garbage.
His greatest sadness is that he sees a way to fulfillment
Just before him
He could reach-out-and-touch-it should he try
He wants nothing more than to stretch his hand forward and accept the path to love: the path to happiness: the path to satisfaction
And yet?
He cannot bring himself to grab it.
He reaches his hand forward again and again. The ethereal means within his grasp. And yet he cannot take hold.
He cannot hold it because this power before him is greater than him
Everything he has done so far has been done by him and now he must sit back and receive the ethereal grace?
He must surrender
He must not be driven by himself but instead a higher power and although he recognizes the authority of the higher power he does not submit to it
He yearns to be in its presence
And yet?
He cannot surrender for to surrender to it is to deny everything he has ever known.
To accept its grace he must be made new
He must be born again
Until he surrenders entirely (most likely in a long time for the self-driven man is stubborn) he shall experience the lonely dissatisfaction which already plagues him
Until he surrenders entirely his happiness will only be mediocre and fleeting
Disappearing as he walks through his front door and even more intense during the minutes of isolation that he showers each night
And so he passes through life master of nothing, poisoned, for he cannot deny who he is to accept an antidote which he knows is supreme.
