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Apr 2018
I am not okay,
I really am not.
But I have to act like I am,
Because it's embarrassing.
People judge me,
And I start to judge myself,
How can I still feel this way?

I've tried everything.
At this point,
It wasn't ******* worth it.
Even the good parts,
They weren't worth it.
Nothing was.

It's a game,
I feel okay for a few days,
Like I've made progress,
And then right back to ****.

I thought time was supposed to make things better.
It's not.
Each low feels lower and lower.

I was beautiful,
Smart,
Special,
The only person who had ever had my heart was me.

And now?
It's you,
All day everyday.
And you don't even care about me.

Why didn't you just leave me alone?
Why?
I didn't even like you.
I hated you.
Now I hate you too,
But in a different way,
In a way that only hurts me.

Every smile is fake,
Every laugh is fake,
Every joke is fake,
Every eye roll is fake,
Every hair flip is fake,
Because right now I feel worthless,
Hopeless,
Like there is no end in sight.

I wish I could sleep forever,
Because that's the only peace I have,
But then,
Even before my eyes open,
My heart reminds me of where I am.

I wish I never gave myself to you,
Because now you're satisfied,
You broke what everyone thought couldn't be broken.

Now I'm weak,
I'm sad,
I'm constantly in pain.
I just want my life back,
Please just give me my life back.
Written by
Flame  F
(F)   
170
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