forever is such a long time
and such a useless word.
overused, rather.
god i hate it.

this pit
in my stomach i get.
i feel disturbed,
disgusted
confused
depressed
undone from inside out.

i want you
i want someone else
i want myself
i want no one
never
ending
cycle.

it's like i'm trapped in some kind of headspace
where i want to be good
but i'm just useless
and inherently bad.
i'm always the problem
never the solution
always the victim
never the victor
change is so hard to come by
in myself and in others
why do i think someone else will change
if i, myself, can't change at all?