I imagine I’M writing in Red. I imagine I pulled this pen from My Heart like a sword from stone and that my feelings Bleed onto this page.
I hold my breath and I pretend. I pretend That I am NOT drowning In these...feelings? and I Pretend that I have gills instead of scars ‘round my neck.
And ... I try , I REALLY try to keep these hands steady as I recklessly collect these fragments of myself But these sharp edges cut deep
and i try to see with tears in my eyes
BUT I CAN’T IMAGINE PRETEND OR TRY not any more. because i can’t hold on, forgive , or forget
All I can do is lift this pen write Then stick my hole ridden heart one more time.
I feel shattered , tired, and hopeless. Lately it just seems like if I don’t pretend things are ok I will fall apart. If I don’t try I will not fix my problems, but somethings are not worth fixing. You might just cut yourself in the process