Journal Entry #13

I know its been sometime since I've written, but in my defense
I've been a busy girl.

I turn thirty-two in a couple days, and I'll be honest..
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This year has been nothing but changes for me.
Walked away from a toxic marriage.
Moved away from everyone and everything I know.
Walked away from childhood friendships,
Because they refused to grow...
Depression took over and consumed my life...
Crippling me.
I was alone.
With nothing...
But pain to keep me company.

But...
See...
That's one thing about me...
I've always been about bettering mine.
I may forget how strong I am temporarily.
But I'm not the type to roll over and die just like that.
All those so called people in my life that said they loved me.
Always wanting me to do good, but never better than them.
An ex husband who blinded me with lies and his own misery.
It's sad once you realize these were the kinds of people I let take up so much of my time...


But none of you really knew me at all...
Never thought I'd stand up on my own two feet again..
Get my **** together again.

You thought you knew me.
But that's one thing about me.
As soon as you doubt me,
I'll show you how hard I grind.
Proved all of you wrong, all at the same time.

I can't give no more time to that petty ****.
The petty life you chose to live.
You're steady complaining about your life,
but doing nothing to change it.
Drowning in your own misery.
Assuming I'd always be along for the ride.
why'd I tolerate that **** for so long?

But see,
I'm not that same girl you use to know.
And that's one thing you just never saw.
You're not moving,
You're stagnate in your own misery.
You're not growing with me.
Its just time I let you go.
I have no more sympathy to give to you.

Oh, you think I'm heartless.
Well get this...
This is how I see this...

If I can stand up from my own personal hell of...
Loss...
Heartache...
Loneliness...
Misery...
Divorce...
Dep­ression..
Lift my own self up..
Walk out into better days..
All because I made the choice to change things.

Why cant you?


I'll be honest...
I hate that I had to let you go...
I get it you're upset with me..
That's okay I'll let you be.
Yeah, I hear some of you are hatin' me.
I had mad love & respect for you..
But that's the thing about me..
And yea,
I know you say...
I'm selfish...
But...
I cant grow with people in my life who refuse to grow with me.