Sometimes I need to remind myself that this all comes in phases, need to stop carving words into stone and start to see how they feel between my teeth instead. Sometimes I try to remember how the universe dances to the song of whoever pulls hardest, and I am in an endless tug-o-war with myself, I'll be cutting up old contracts before the month is out mailing you the damage report and wondering how this all fits together. I can't wrestle this beast forever; I tell myself that I'm going to hang up my hat, I tell myself this is all predetermined just to make the pill slide down a bit easier. I think I need to stop weighing the options and start casting stones blindly, because someone is always going to pick up a brush and paint me in a way that I dislike (usually that person is me) So maybe I'll write up new laws that salvage what this world is becoming, maybe I'll put these fears in the hands of timing or signs just to forget for a little while, just to breathe a bit easier for a moment. Chaos chases our heels in the form of everything that we try to disguise, so I'll put away the scissors and trust everything fleeting to keep me company tonight. Tomorrow I'll find the envelope marked "return to sender", and realize a second chance at un-learning my cynicism and the things that I constantly throw against the wall. I want these thoughts to bleed into fate, I'm tired of her leaving the line silent.