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Apr 2018
Gone, as quickly as it came
The spark that lit the flame
Briefly flickering into existence
An abrupt campfire of warmth
In the Ice Age of my heart –
A bolt from the blue
An arrow that struck true,
With the kind of aim that makes Cupid look like a silly amateur.

A battlefield of heartbreak –
Amidst all the chaos
In the din and clashing of steel upon steel
I felt like I’d found refuge
In the folds of your arms.
Foolish, unaware
Of how selfish I was being
Of how unwholesome I am
Of how chaotic it is
To be with someone like me;
I hope that now that you are free
You are able to see
That I never meant any harm,
That maybe if given more time
Our love could have blossomed
Like a well-kept farm.

I realise now
That I was blind, careless
Both with words and actions, I was reckless
You gave more than you received
And because of that, you felt deceived
My attempts
At being a supplicant at the feet of your heart’s throne
Came too little, too late
And once more, I find myself alone.

Maybe
If and when
If only I’d seen it then
You really, actually tried
Instead
I took you along for a ride
Without considering your needs and wants.

A part of me is glad
That for a moment, love was something we had
Until my lack of attention, my lack of care
Made you feel like a ballroom that was once beautiful
But has now been stripped bare.
Another part of me
Is vitriolic with self-distaste
In my haste
I wanted you to be a part of me
Whilst not realising
That I wasn’t trying to be a part of you.

I’m sorry
For not realising how left out I made you feel
I am a walking, sentient horror reel
I wanted you to be a part of me
Yet instead of realising it goes both ways
I tried to uproot you like a tree
That just had the misfortune of encountering a hurricane.

Once more, it’s time to grieve
I don’t want you to leave
But I can’t force you to stay, either.
Your soul with mine
Felt like fuel meeting the spark of a lighter
And now
Now that I’ve used up all that I had
I realise we were in the Garden of Eden
Until I let it all turn bad.

I hope that one day
We might meet again
Reminisce over the good times
Remember how intensely it all began
And maybe
I’ll be able to show you
That I’m not just full of it
That bit by bit
We might have had something great
Had I not been consumed by this hate,
This hate for the world around me
This inability to be there for you
And not just for myself.
Does it count as heartbreak if you're the one who's breaking everything?
Julian Delia
Written by
Julian Delia  24/M/Malta
(24/M/Malta)   
  342
   Stoned Adventurer and Rose
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