one two three times i said i'd stop
one more time i give in to the talk
you say my eyes are a saccharine delight
when all i see is eyes not deserving
of a man with this many issues
i know that all this talk about your past
must be exhausting but you call me
and tell me how everyone wastes your time
i **** myself with my own thoughts
glide off the earth like i'm one less leap
from a perfect reason to be happy
why am i only ever able to sleep
when i realize that the real monsters
aren't under my bed anymore
but right in my cranium, making a home
and scaring the living **** out of me
when i crawl back into darkness
is when you leave me the most vulnerable
this habit is a venereal curse
i am clogged up with unwanted urges
and emptied of the strength i need
and when i want to be smothered with love
i come back to the one place i know best
and repeat the cycle of torture
we all call the great big search for happiness
but there's no happiness
in a temporary love
you see, i want what's best for me,
yet i scream when i think of someone
even putting up with this disastrous tempest
i loved once and almost drowned
so pardon me if the water feels cold
i'll just as soon drown myself again
if i don't slow the **** down
and find the time to breathe
it's been much too fast lately
that when i take the time to look
i am terrified and praying for safety
but as i glide off the earth and the moon
the stars blast me with a supernova
and suddenly my prayers are answered
that's the day i wait for every night
because if i lose myself
i lose the stars, the cosmic journey, the hands
of a person with the answers and the control
of a vulnerable miserable old soul
because i'd like to think that this hell i'm in
is to lead me to a place of bliss
but these days scare me
and i'm too cold to be warm
too broken to be fixed
too troubled to be calm
sadness, they say, is a *****
but i embrace it with stride
fall asleep to the sounds of no one
i'm too afraid to be filled with pride

my prescription was ready, they said
came earlier than i had thought
so i left home with my coat
started the car in the cold
entered the uncomfortable atmosphere
placed my hands on the table
and asked for what i hadn't requested
you'll thank me for this they said
i'm still waiting to see if they were right.