today i lost myself.
i had a few drinks.
i cried it all away.
being without you isn't good for me.
but i guess being with me isn't
good for you.
every day i look at your contact.
it has a yellow heart beside your name
because you said it would symbolize
the light we brought to each other's lives.
i want to hit the call button.
i want to call you up.
but what would i say?
and would you even pick up?
would you have something to say.

everyone who reads my words
probably thinks i'm completely pathetic.
why can't you just let go?
he doesn't care so why do you?

and the answer is simple.
i can't.
he was the first boy i ever loved.
the only one who understood me.
he saw my scars and didn't run.
he kissed them.
the ones that were faded along my wrists,
and the ones that were new along my hips.
he told me that he would always be around to
build me up if i fell down.

but where is he now?
about to go on tour in a different country.
and i always found the states hard,
but now he's even farther.

i suppose it'll hurt more when he's close to me.
so close that i can smell his cologne that mixed
so nicely with the axe he wore.
but so far where i can't see him.
i only picture him each and every time
i pass the hotel i last saw him in.