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Mar 2018
Even in the quiet moments I couldn’t admit to myself that I missed you the way lungs miss oxygen.
I was never one for confessing my guilt, you weren’t either.
I think I found purgatory
and it exists in the space between my fingers and the send button.
I miss you texts I’ll never send, I’m sorry’s I’ll never own up to.
Seamlessly, we slipped into limbo.
Forever floating in the frantic realization that friendships fade away.
Your smile will always be a part of me, I’ll carry it with me like the change I lost in my car.
Only reminded of its existence when I’m looking for something else.
Is my laughter still stuck in your ear drums the way yours is in mine?
Am I still stuck like a knot in your spine that even a chiropractor can’t comprehend, I’m sorry I’m causing you pain, I’m sorry but I’m stuck here too.
When you wake up in the morning and there’s a sharp pain in your chest, that’s me and I’m trying to break my way out. I’m tired of being trapped behind ribs that don’t want me and being stuck like a disease in a body that resists me.
It doesn’t take much to realize we loved each other the way babies love the ****, the warm temptation of temporary.
I know I was a part of you the way a sliver is to a finger.
Risking infection instead of the pain of ripping it out.
I hate to say it but I know that even warm bodies die and I guess I just imagined it would be you and I.
Written by
Leah  19/F
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