When I arrive to work
My breath doesn't reach
the fullness of my lungs

My focus zooms on the board
"Harry" I search for in marker
next to a time stamp

Will you be here today?
I can't decide if I want to see you
If you'll break my emotional wall

Or snap my butterflies back to life,
setting fire to my cheeks
and earthquakes to my stomach

Minutes go by. Really, hours.
My body is turned for dishes
My mind is on you

"Next on Five!" A ripple down my arms
Through my fingers into water
I want to turn, but rules

[don't show too much interest]

[wait three days to text him]

[intensity scares him, don't show how you really feel]

[don't act crazy]

"Next on Five!" My neck receives a thought
before it reached my brain
His stupid dorky smile

I look at him
willing him to look at me
I feel butterflies starting fires