Today I got to scream all of the things I wanted myself to know when I was younger. Past me. She sits there, Shaking like a leaf. Part anger. Part Fear Shattering resilience. You are what simultaneously brings out the worst and best of me. I resort to the tongue of my father because my mother's sweet and damaging arms couldn't do the trick. You are the reason why I know I probably shouldn't have children.I just can't seem to let go. And so I become the sin. I become my father's sin, and my father's father's sin. I'm sorry they were never there, but I still dream of holding you in my arms like my baby and taking you somewhere safe. I still dream of saving you. But I guess in order to do that, first I have to save myself.
I have never left you. You can only imagine why it is so hard to do so now.