Feb 16
Today I got to scream all of the things I wanted myself to know when I was younger.
Past me. She sits there, Shaking like a leaf. Part anger. Part Fear
Shattering resilience.
You are what simultaneously brings out the worst and best of me.
I resort to the tongue of my father because my mother's sweet and damaging arms couldn't do the trick.
You are the reason why I know I probably shouldn't have children.I just can't seem to let go. And so I become the sin. I become my father's sin, and my father's father's sin.
I'm sorry they were never there, but I still dream of holding you in my arms like my baby and taking you somewhere safe. I still dream of saving you.
But I guess in order to do that, first I have to save myself.

I have never left you. You can only imagine why it is so hard to do so now.
Janery Alban
Written by
Janery Alban  25/F/NJ
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