i think too much and when im with her i cant
and i like that

shes all walls and i'm only windows
and sometimes i think she looks inside me and doesnt like what she sees

i feel like muscles and lust and nothing but, and she assures me i'm not
i feel like i'm a footnote (she puts footnotes in all her essays) in the story of her life while she is a chapter in mine
and she assures me i'm not
but sometimes she says things to convince herself of what shes saying
and sometimes she leaves me breathless and sometimes she leaves me praying

Maybe we've just put our walls in different spots. It's like my ears are deaf and my lips are tingling when she kisses them

she's like a golem
a stone skin guardian against her emotions she wont let me see
but maybe we've just put our walls in different spots It's like my eyes are blind and my body shakes when she caresses it
she wakes only to the magicians touch
and i've never been good at magic

shes tired of my worries and excited by my body and this is an equation i'm not sure i like
I've always been good at math
my mind is calculating
a steel trap
it's cold inside and she is warm in my arms, like a promise I can't keep.

I want to buy her flowers, but i'm caught between building my nest and digging my grave and i often think they're one and the same. she wants to have fun and I want to have ***. she's touching my body while i'm reaching for her mind
but maybe we've just put our walls in different spots.

UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

**** this and **** that and im
dying and
crying and i hate this
******* brain i have where i
scream at it
just ******* enjoy this
because with each word
i speak
each
worry
in the breath of my throat i push her away
speaking leaks in our boat  
and lets
be honest
it wasnt a very sturdy boat to begin with
i need
my sledgehammer hands
destroy and rebuild
something that actually functions from
the rubble of the ruin
Build some ******* windows
a glass bottom boat
so I can always see the mistakes
i'm trying to leave behind
my
mind
scraping plaster
crumbling
and fumbling
stumbling darkness
and she feels like sunlight
she's bright
soft light through the blinds
film noir
rain
pain like kisses  
i'm the handprint on her skin
the bubble in her oxygen
and i used to be fun and we
****
just *******
**** **** fuckf
fuckf fukfcuffkcuc\f\ ff
f
f
f
c
fuflufc
fuuf
***
****
***
uf

i think too much and when im with her i cant

and i like that