Introducing an ickle intellectual,
a firehearted, foxhaired tomboy geek called
Miss Eloise Agatha Emerald.
Who's sharp as a button, who's bright as a whip
(a button sharpened upon flint of print,
& fairylights 'round such a whip would twist)!
So Weeze Emerald whiled away summer hols,
reading loony tome by a man named Carroll
Mrs.Emerald bought from a shop called Jarrolds.
Dumbing up on a smartphone the modern joy,
but imagination Eloise's neverending toy,
tho' she didn't dream up the chipmunkish 'Oi'
interrupting her reading in the garden.
She put down her book and begged the pardon
of indeterminate orator th'Oi had come from.
She searched side to side, her red bob flicked;
she looked under her ***, her red bangs dipped;
she shook her red head - did she daydream it?
'Oi, Orange Bonce, giantess, over here!
Atop the 5th daisy to your left, my dear,'
squeaky cheeky buzz buzzed somewhere near.
Eloise Emerald had a snout about
- 1 daisy, 2 daisy, 5 flowers the count
whereupon she spied source of the mouth.
Highpitched purr far from chippurr
the chipmunkish hum of gauzy-wing-flapper,
uncommon bluebottle showing little stiff upper
Who'd Oi'd Eloise at top of his 'Oice
sported tiddlywink shields over his joints
& did stew as blue as a ballpoint,
black as a biro, on daisy 5 dancing vexed
(if an ant didn't span one of his legs,
& if he wore pants, most impudent insect
in 'em would 'ave angsty ants.
it displeased Weeze to witness
fellow lifeform frowny,
so w/ bookmark she bimbled, then put down her copy
of 'Alice' on the staining grass, at her place ajar anyway.
' Now, Mr. Fly, all atizz you buzz! Are you, yunno, okay?'
- coz you're mad as monkeybats her rolled eyes
'Well, duh! Were I acting out an inner glow,
would I oi for assist from ****** giantess? No,
so seeing that I have no chOIce...
How do you do, I'm Ludo!'
'There's no need to be uncouth, Ludo the Fly,
Eloise A. Emerald at your service, but I
advise you buzz w/ decorum should you seek an ally.'
But Eloise A.Emerald didn't hold grudges
(anymore than she'd wear hair up
in foxtail bunches)
& tho' mucky flies strode upon her school lunches,
forthcoming her aid for new housefly homie,
whose latticed eyes bulged w/ rare mute 'holy-moly'
Ludo's lament: 'O no more to flit free
upon summer breeze from dogpoop to fruitbowl
about my buzziness, for I've stepped in this tangle...'
- he gestured to chequered fetter about his ankle.
'I's grounded by this strand from who-knows-where,
thread of black 'n' white-squared gungey gossamer.'
'Woz ye not,' Eloise consoled, 'I'll yank it offa yer!'
'Up your nelly, ****** giantess! Dem galumph-
ing thumbs will pluck off one of my limbs
before the squillion vermillion honeycoombs
of my compound eyes bawled w/ 1 wince.
bookworm like you can better flex her thinking cap
at close quarters. Can you sing a shrinking rap?'
He instructed Eloise to repeat after him:
' Yoyoyo! If you wanna get down
where the grass ain't strimmed,
do da kreepykrawly krump wit' no need to squinge;
if you want da title of 'Titch' in Lilliput,
if you wanna measure up to underfoot,
gotta spit dis shrinking rap and shake your, er, boot!'
As he rapped, Ludo busted out some breakdancing moves
only 6 legs could really pull off. Eloise mused
it was prolly a good job she hadn't ripped 1 of them loose,
echolaling along to resizing rap craptacular.
' If you wanna hi-5, erm, hi-40 a spider;
get stuffed on single sweetcorn kernel for supper;
if you wanna bants with a Borrower, 'Fanx for the lend,
but I fear your cargopants won't fit me, my friend',
sing Ludo's shrinking rap right thru to da end!
Deez dinkifying rhymes, repeat to go to
a destination w/ a stunning worm's eyeview!
****** giantess, now Thumbelina No.2 !'
At shrinking rap's finale (phew!), Eloise
shuddered w/ migraine of submolecular squeeze.
There was nauseous flash, then g-force of more Gs
than Mr. & Mrs.G & their large family in every seat
of rollercoaster whose carnie controller fell asleep,
save it was reverse g-force for her mass decreased.
As did her height, from current stature aged 11
to shorty she was at 7, pipsqueak at 6,
at 6 months, to once-upon-a-bun-in-Mrs.Emerald's-oven,
till, sultanasize, her meagrements matched the flyrical fly's.
Unkempt green blades now bowed high
above her red head. Weeze saw red too, no way would she occupy
the bottom of the bottom of the garden forever,
facedown 'Alice' unfinished if its spine-ridge were shelter!
'Ludo,' she grrred, 'I'll pluck that leg off now, GRRR!'
'Ah c'mon, ****** Gian... oh riiiiiight, I need to come up
with some new materi...'ELP!!!!!!!!'
Before Weeze got more bugged,
Ludo was dragged off
when legature on his lig,
I mean ligature on his leg, was dealt distant tug.
Illustrated version: http://chirpydirges.co.uk/eloise-1/