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Jan 2018
breathing is a regular body function
still, it seems like it was the hardest thing for me to do my whole life
i always felt like i was being swept up roughly by an ocean wave
i would grapple with the demons that lived in the deepest parts of my mind
just for one, just one breath
it was so difficult to fight all of the time
so hard to convince myself that it would all pay off in the end
that in due time, breathing would become easier

then i met you, and it felt like everything in the world changed
those long nights i spent alone gasping for air hour, after hour ceased to exist
the demons in the deepest part of my brain dissipated
and nothing was difficult
i stopped thinking negatively and i felt that for the first time in a long time,
that i had hope

and instead of staying up, restless at night i would lay my head down peacefully on my pillow
no more harmful thoughts
i didn't feel a pressing weight on my shoulders anymore
and for the first time in my life, my lungs weren't burning in their longing for air
air was filling them graciously and wholesomely
and thus i began to fall in love with you

we became inseparable
and the whole world seemed to know it
because we were in love, and everyone wished they had what we did
right?

in time we would realize that we weren't in love
not even close
you stopped caring and so did I
and just as quickly as we fell in love
we fell out of it
and as quickly as you seemed to heal my lungs
you damaged them again

now i try to breathe and it doesn't seem to work
my lungs are burning, desperate for air
but thats ok, because they say time heals all
and maybe instead of someone else healing me
i just need time
and i can heal myself
and breathing wont be so difficult
and the demons will permanently disappear
for now, ill just learn to forget you
vera
Written by
vera  20/Gender Nonconforming
(20/Gender Nonconforming)   
193
 
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