I can't see into the future
But, I know someone who can
She's a gypsy from the midlands
And, well, she looks just like a man

She says her name is Heather
But, to me she'll be a Hector
She said she had an accident
But, by god...it nearly wrecked her

One eye stares, it doesn't move
And this one is the best
The other follows you around
It never leaves your chest

She reads tarot, tea leaves and the bones
She's a reader of your life
She said she's still not married
I can't imagine her a wife

She'd know just what you're thinking
She'd know a lie before it's told
And if she's ugly nowadays
Imagine her when she gets old

The people go to see her
when the caravans arrive
She will read for twenty dollars
Her tent opens at five

If you want to know your future
Just take notice, listen close
Because her lips are slightly puffy
And she whistles through her nose

She's bent over looking downward
On her left side there's a ****
On her cheek there is a goiter
Behind her ear there is a lump

She weighs in at 300
Doesn't stand past 5 foot tall
But if you want to know the future
Then she's the one to call

She's an old afflicted gypsy
Has a daughter known as Marge
Says she's wanted up in Bristol
She's a small medium at large