I have loved and lost

all before 18

I lay here in the hallway

staring at the “artistic” mix

that now pollutes our ceiling

getting lost in the swirls

running in the wild jungles

he is leaving

I am skipping 5th

its English

Yet I really don’t care

let the security come find me

what will they do

slap me in detention

he is leaving me

I lay there

staring off

into my own self

life is funny isn’t it

we are pushed into people

but told not to fall for them

they will always leave

even if they don’t want to

he is leaving

I blame no one

for the way I feel right now

the quiet torture I’m going through

personalized pain

***** unyielding knife in my heart

slowly twisting every time

he talks about college

I’m stuck in the muck

that is this ***** hallway

the trash littered at the corners

cockroaches shuffle past me

he is leaving me

this is hell

this is life

lived by me

gossip obsessed friends

college is next

when it gets worse

now its just without parents

a structured freedom

I want out

he is leaving

he loves me

he will come back right?

someone tell me

please

I am holding back

my heartache

Someone

anyone

tell me something

other than

”if it’s meant to be it will be”

that won’t stop my heart

from breaking

I loved and am now losing

all before 18

the bell rings

the ants are let free

they jump to get to

friends, class, smoking spot

it’s the first day of school

he is not here

It’s the first day of senior year

he is not here

I should be happy

but I can’t be

he is not here