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Jan 2018
Sitting on the ledge, looking down, im scared of heights
My stomach is turning, but oddly this feels right
This was our secret hide out, to keep the world in our rear view mirror
But nothing seems the same without you here
I knew we'd never work out, a secret is one for a reason
But I wish I could figure out what it was
But all i remember was feeling my heart go with you the day you said you were leaving
Everynight we stayed up here and knew that once the sun came up again, our little rendezvous would end
But there was always the next time,
And now im wishing I could rewind to the days I thought you were mine
Why did we have to lie? Why were we a lie?
Why didnt I get a real goodbye?
Part of me hopes its because its not fully over,
But I know you got another lover, who holds you at night and you got away with everything
And left me heartless with nothing
i would of died for you,
But you were so cruel, and maybe that should of been a clue
But I had none, i was a hopeless romantic
But now I am a stone cold lunatic and cant get my mind on the right track,
I wish I knew how to cut myself some slack, but I cant help blame myself for not being the one who got you back
All our memories burn like the bottom of the bottle of jack,  that used to be the taste of your lips,
Its getting cold up here and my mind keeps playing the tapes of us,
Smiling and watching the sunset
But *******, for using me the way you did
But **** me i cant blame you because I let you
i cleaned up your messes, gave you a hand to help you out of holes you dug yourself in
I put myself in flames for you, and thats the truth
I did it to myself, and I got the scars as proof
I let you talk down to me, but you were my heaven that caused me hell
My angel, with the halo
That ended up being the devil
But I still love you and ill bail you out, clean up the mess and i dont want thwre to be an end
**** im Codependant and I need you for real
They say time works but i feel like this is a wound that wont heal
How can I mend a heart I dont have anymore?
That left with you out that door
But ill still be loyal and protect your name
Because to me this wasnt a game
But if it was one for you id always go all in
But youre gone, and im watching this sun setting alone, because in reality thats what is real
Megan Van Zetten
Written by
Megan Van Zetten  22/F/Canada
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