I have a routine.

Every morning
Wake up but stay in bed
Because I like to wallow in my sadness
When the sun is at its brightest

When/If I get out of bed
Walk to the scale and check my weight
Because nothing's more important than drowning
Drowning in the repercussions of last night's stress eating episode

After looking at my body in the mirror
Disgusted at my form
I walk back up the stairs to my bedroom
My own walk of shame

From there I stay in my bedroom
Contemplating my day
Of darkness surrounding me
In a room that is my prison

I only leave for bathroom breaks
And am forced to eat dinner
Not saying much, escaping to my room after
Stirring over whether throwing it up would be worth it

I stay in my room
Until 2AM, 3AM
Where my mind is in a drunk state
Where anything is reality

Where I can pretend I'm happy.