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Jan 11
Life isn’t always about the big things
but the little ones, they are not necessarily small either.

Like the times you would braid my hair before sleep
and the next morning I wished for it to grow faster
just to doze off in time before you finished
so that I would soundly sleep with no anxiety but a blankie.

Sometimes I felt like an elder sister
I’d go and scare the birds you wanna play with
I’d lock the door and make you plead outside
I’d make you take things I pretend I can’t reach
and I refused to stop, because I saw you laughed
and I guess, that’s probably a part of me which made you happy.

You said nothing’s impossible for me
and truth is, I kinda agree
I know I’d go as far as I could
I’d conquer the stage and make people believe
like a great person, there I stood.
But when the night passed
I’d put on the clothe that says my name
I’d take off the mask which has never been me
and I would find you.
I would find you
just to tell you how did my day go
like a little girl who’s just getting to know the world
and you’d nag at my irrational decision
and we both would be tired of how dumb I can be
but I know, I’d still go to sleep happy,
knowing that somebody’s just as dumb as me.

But little did we know
that bestfriend can break our hearts too
No, I’m not blaming you.
I must have never been prepared
or I’ve been living in lies
that everything will work for me
even when I’m too busy to give a glance
I thought I’d never have to see you leave
I thought you’d never choose anything else before me
I thought what I did is enough to make you happy
when the truth is, it’s not always about what I feel
You too, want to live like me.

I miss you.
a lot.
as much as I was mad, it upsets me more that I can’t be there
to witness your happiness, like how you were there when I felt it
I still want to hear your dreams
I still want to call you stupid which only means I just want the best for you
I still wanna fight the person who makes you sad
I still want to be the gangster whom bigger figure you know you’d always have to hide behind it.

But I just can’t move.
or am I just waiting.

That one day, you’d call my name and hug me
cuz by that time, I know you still need me
I’ll know I’m not only a person asking for a sympathy
that I’m also able to give love rather than just receive
and that, you still haven’t replaced me
with a new idea of an opposite character I’ve turned out to be.

But maybe, we're just a same person
from two different worlds
We thought we could walk the journey
with all we got and any obstacles, we're ready
But nobody has ever guaranteed this
cuz it's always best to let go, and let God
and as for me
All I want is for you to be happy
Even if it means, happier without me.
So close yet so far.
Deep down inside, you still have a special spot in my heart. You're still my bestfriend. I don't know how is it going over there but as for me, I know that I'll always love you.
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