He died today
all I can think about is
when
he and I snuck over the fence
of my parents home
before they bought it
and flicked ash on the back deck
he would move the hair out of his face
grinning
knowing
I was sitting there playing with my cigarette
reminding myself
over and over again
that I had a boyfriend
we used to lay in the fields
behind the school buses
while he detailed
the home he would one day own
"It'd have a pottery wheel and everything!"
"My studio would over look the ocean"
I would bite my lower lip
trying to grip onto the grass
remind myself I was still here
while he'd breathe
tell me the world will still be spinning
tomorrow
but I guess that makes sense
as if I can't see the empty room
he became
the way my heart still fluttered
when someone said his name.