Some days I struggle with my heart because it constantly wants to part. Some days i wrestle with my pride and my temptations. I wish these demons inside me would take physical form because i would cut their heads off. I would rather fight forever in the physical realm then in my heart. These demons tear me apart. Some days i would feel like dying. Some days i would be too choked up because of the pain that i kept up. Some days i picked up that knife and thought about ending it all. Some days i never wanted to wake up. Struggling with the anxiety and depression. Afraid of what i would become. Tired of living but i knew taking my life would be sinning and i knew deep down i was created for something more but right now i feel so poor. I was created for more than just the average joe, flipping burgers and selling fries. Maybe that's why i struggle so much is because i know right from wrong and it was never easy doing what's right if it was we wouldn't have any problems in this world. I can't say i always did what was right because i know that sometimes the wrong can feel so right but it's not right. It's a fight. The depression and anxiety try to eat me alive because sometimes i wonder if i'm able to do what i was called to do. The truth is i'm not. On my own i will get owned. Whenever i tried to do something on my own strength it blew up in my face but whenever God put my hand to something i was unstoppable. So i'm gonna do my best to flow to the rhythm of his drum but sometimes i lose the flow and all i feel is cold. When i think about the life i was called to live i sit back and think how can i do this. In reality i walk among men as a giant but on the inside i feel like a coward trying to hide from his duty because of fear of losing. I was called to stand for those who can't. I was called to speak for the voiceless. I was sent to advise the crushed and the wounded. I can't do this on my own, maybe that's why the thought of self destruction enters my mind but it will never happen because that will mean the devil won and i let my savior down. I don't like to lose so i'm gonna finish this fight till someone puts this body into the ground but that won't happen until God allows it. That's ok because my life will never be about me because it never was about me i'm here to glorify my God but everyday i fail him. To Isis and other haters of the followers of Christ. You won't win this war. No matter how many bullets you fire into our skulls, no matter how many heads you take, no matter how many graves you dig. You will never win because greater is he living in us than he who is in the world. He is mightier than you could ever imagine so i hope you will repent of your wicked ways and join us because Jesus didn't die on that cross for just me but for you too. Jesus is victorious.