Sep 2017
I remember
Back when I was a freshman
My friends an I went to a varsity football game.
One of my friends brought along a friend of hers.
God
I will never forget the way he looked at me like I was nothing but a piece of meat
I will never forget how he smelled of Axe cologne and McDonald's.
We all were sitting in the bleachers, and he insisted that he was to sit next me
Fast forward to the middle of third quarter
Our school was in the lead
21 to 0
I remember the score exactly
Because
That is when I felt him
Ever so slowly
Place a hand on my thigh
I felt my body stiffen
My breathing quickened
My mind was full of warning sirens
Like the ones that scream before a tornado.
Every part of my frantic mind
Was screaming:
RUN!
GET OUT!
NOT SAFE!
But my body was frozen
Non responsive
To anything.
The burning sensation
His hand created
As he inched it up my thigh
Toward a private place
A place where a boy once touched
Without consent.
As if
His hands were allowed to freely roam
My body
A body that once was free of bruising
Scars
Memories
This boy at the football game
He let his hand get too close
To close to a secret place of mine.
Without a single thought
My closed fist connected with his left ear
His hand left my body as if he realized
That I was tainted
ruined
damaged
Broken
I could hear the group of seniors
Behind us let out strings of
"OH"
"****"
Along side their howling laughter.
My friends all screamed at me
"**** it!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
I let them scream
And blame me.
For all
They didn't know
That for six years of my life
A boy who was suppose to protect me
Snuck into my room
Every
Friday night
And left his mark
On a body he claimed as his.
They didn't know
So I can't blame them
right?
When I got home that night
I stripped off all my clothes.
I turned on the shower
Boiling hot
Climbed in.
I scrubbed
And scrubbed
And scrubbed.
I scrubbed until my skin was raw.
I scrubbed until parts of my skin bled.
But
One thing I have learned
Over all these years
Is that
No matter how hard I scrub my body
My body will remember
My body will forever feel the hands of
Boys and men
Who thought my body was opened
To the public touch of their muddy hands
And beer stained mouths
When I went to bed that night
I had on four layers of protection
...
I meant clothing
I had on four layers of clothing.
Back when I was a freshman
My friends an I went to a varsity football game.
One of my friends brought along a friend of hers.
God
I will never forget the way he looked at me like I was nothing but a piece of meat
I will never forget how he smelled of Axe cologne and McDonald's.
We all were sitting in the bleachers, and he insisted that he was to sit next me
Fast forward to the middle of third quarter
Our school was in the lead
21 to 0
I remember the score exactly
Because
That is when I felt him
Ever so slowly
Place a hand on my thigh
I felt my body stiffen
My breathing quickened
My mind was full of warning sirens
Like the ones that scream before a tornado.
Every part of my frantic mind
Was screaming:
RUN!
GET OUT!
NOT SAFE!
But my body was frozen
Non responsive
To anything.
The burning sensation
His hand created
As he inched it up my thigh
Toward a private place
A place where a boy once touched
Without consent.
As if
His hands were allowed to freely roam
My body
A body that once was free of bruising
Scars
Memories
This boy at the football game
He let his hand get too close
To close to a secret place of mine.
Without a single thought
My closed fist connected with his left ear
His hand left my body as if he realized
That I was tainted
ruined
damaged
Broken
I could hear the group of seniors
Behind us let out strings of
"OH"
"****"
Along side their howling laughter.
My friends all screamed at me
"**** it!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
I let them scream
And blame me.
For all
They didn't know
That for six years of my life
A boy who was suppose to protect me
Snuck into my room
Every
Friday night
And left his mark
On a body he claimed as his.
They didn't know
So I can't blame them
right?
When I got home that night
I stripped off all my clothes.
I turned on the shower
Boiling hot
Climbed in.
I scrubbed
And scrubbed
And scrubbed.
I scrubbed until my skin was raw.
I scrubbed until parts of my skin bled.
But
One thing I have learned
Over all these years
Is that
No matter how hard I scrub my body
My body will remember
My body will forever feel the hands of
Boys and men
Who thought my body was opened
To the public touch of their muddy hands
And beer stained mouths
When I went to bed that night
I had on four layers of protection
...
I meant clothing
I had on four layers of clothing.
