i sent flashing lights to his door, i didn't want to risk it. the image of those pills and that deep brown coffee liqueur scared me, the thought of him filling himself with it. he told me he wasn't mad at me for it, he told me everything was okay and not to do it again, though. i guess he felt too bad, i guess it hurt him like last time. she sent the flashing lights to the forest, she told me that things weren't looking up. my cheeks are tacky with tears, my nose is stuffy. now i'm just waiting all night, now i'm just waiting until i get a message that they found him in the forest. i can't sleep knowing that i'm part of why, i can't sleep wondering if he'll be okay.
suicide. the police stopped looking for him because the woods were too dark and they'll resume in the morning. all i'm hoping for is that he's alive.