I thought this loneliness was over.
I thought a year ago I learned some incredible lesson.
I remember it feeling so wonderful.


I.
I.
I.

I wish I would stop talking about myself.
I wish I could communicate without bragging.
I'd say this is a list of resolutions but

I.
I.
I.

I can't smile without a motive
I can't hear someone talk without thinking of theirs
I feel like they're usually motivated by hatred, lust, disinterest.

I.
I.
I.

I know nothing about these people.
I should stop making assumptions, but
I keep thinking how last year's 'epiphany' hurt me.

I.
I.
I.

I was so vulnerable, so gentle and sweet, someone had to shatter me.
I tried again and again more feebly to learn the lesson
I was crushed each time more easily by hatred, lust, disinterest.

I.
I.
I.

I have another chance here, the best chance anyone could have.
I can't believe someone would give it to me.
I wonder how good an actress I must be for them to have believed.

I.
I.
I.

I want a cram session of reviewing that lesson.
I want to be shaken back into that vulnerable, feeling self.
I have a new life I could give that self, a fitting gift.

I.
I.
I.

I met a beautiful boy, a vegetarian rock climber violinist environmental engineer.
I'm going through the motions because he is an incredible match, only
I can't put the spark back in my eyes, let alone light his beautiful

eyes.

I.
I.
I.
I'm done with I.