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Sep 2017
I found an error with Google recently,
It had defined conversation as
‘A talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people,
In which news and ideas are exchanged,’
Last time I had a conversation with someone
To exchange ideas,
I was snubbed, ignored, neglected, wasn’t listened to,
But that’s an everyday struggle,
For who doesn’t face,
People thinking they’re better than you,
Because they were born earlier than you,
Because they were born to elites,
Because their names have a legacy,
Which makes them ingenious and worthy of everything,
Because their skin tone is lighter than yours,
Because you’re someone with ***** and ******
And so, you should send pictures of it only, not words & ideas,
But that’s an everyday story with more than half of the population,
The part where I found the error with Google
Was the part where it had listed synonyms of conversation,
There was, ‘heart to heart’,
Last time I had a conversation that was ‘heart to heart’
Was in my mother’s womb,
After that it’s been a finger-phone to your finger-phone,
Or my tongue saying what my heart would’ve never said,
There was also, ‘head to head’,
The only ‘head to head’ that I had last time,
Was when someone’s head suddenly had banged on mine,
And I had to bang it again because otherwise a black dog would’ve chased me,
Or maybe horns would’ve grown out of my head,
I don’t remember if horns was for head banging or for cursing,
But anyway, that’s the only ‘head to head’ that I’ve ever had,
Otherwise, it’s always someone’s South Head nodding at me,
Or just words to words,
Harmless words,
And there was, ‘talk’ typed there too,
But the only ‘talk’ that I have these days is,
‘Hey, how are you?’
‘I’m fine. You?’
‘I’m fine. What’s up these days with you?’
‘Nothing much. You?’
‘Same here too.’
And then the awkward pause resides,
Followed by hesitation to text that person again,
I spotted, ‘exchange’ there too,
The only exchange that I have these days is
Of favours & help,
‘Can you please do…?’
‘Will you help me with…?’
Either me with those questions and fearing a no,
Or someone else asking it & confident that’s there will no ‘No’,
I find myself refusing to tell what I want to,
Refusing to refuse to tasks I know will disturb me
But to stay in the circle I agree to whatever comes my way,
I stand with whatever others say,
Because I’m aware of what happens when you stand for your own voice,
It gets contained, shot, hanged, accused, persecuted, isolated, banished & exiled,
I don’t know now if the error was with Google
Or with me,
Or with all of us.
How are conversations have changed in the need to keep a pretense that everything is fine & great.
Samridhi Neelam Nain
Written by
Samridhi Neelam Nain  19/F/New Delhi, India
(19/F/New Delhi, India)   
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