Sleep evades me
The mind torments,
Replaying all the moments I should never have given to you
All the moments you never deserved.
This self-loathing makes me weary.

How could I have been this careless
Heart not survived such heavy rains
To throw itself recklessly
Into hurricanes
To throw caution to the wind
Despite everything I knew,
Reject all fears and trepidations
For you.

Sleep evades
And the mind torments
With how I let you see so much of me
The walls I reinforced with such conviction
Fell like they were built on sand,
Because I didn't see you coming
Because you seemed like a soft breeze
But the storm isn't any less ferocious
Just because it begins more gently
And you became everything you said you weren't
And everything I feared you'd be.

What happened to the promise last time
That this time
I'd save more me for me.
I hate that I battled this long and hard
To surrender to something
So unworthy.