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Aug 2017
Somebody once told me they didn't know what slam poetry was
I stared at them waiting for them to laugh
I truly thought they were joking
They weren't
My mind internally interrogated her
But what do you do when you're feeling something so intensely you hold your breath and your whole body freezes
What do you do when you can't talk to anyone about what you're going through because they don't believe you
What do you do...
But then I realized
The only reason I know slam poetry is those nights I sat with a blade by myself in the dark of my room late into the night wondering whether it was more of a sin to **** myself or to be gay
The times I was having two to three panick attacks a night and had no one to hold me
I realized that she didn't have mental health issues
I realized she wasn't queer
I realized she didn't have any minority status besides being a girl and she didn't even feel strongly about that
While I'm still not a fan of those nights in the dark by myself with only a phone in front of me
I'm thankful for the voices and words who conveyed such emotion to let me know that I'm not alone
To let me know that someone feels as passionately as I do
To give me words to feel my feelings
So I'm glad that girl didn't know what slam poetry was because it meant she hadn't suffered but I hope one day when she finally hits a bump in the road that she finds friends in powerful voices just as I did
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