I cannot describe the
anguish
uncertainty
frustration

That I feel every
motion
step back
wave

That cycles through at the beach
with a gush and a rush
and a tumble and a blow
that knocks me down
only so I can stand back up
and feel my knees crack
beneath my own breath.

And I look back
towards the carnival and
watch as people jump on
the Ferris Wheel

As if this were a cruel
joke
game
ruse.

And they still laugh as I
circle
back
the same.