i say i want to know
i claim i want to know how people feel about me
what do i do to them ?
do i anger them ? confuse them ? frustrate them ? inspire them ?
i fear im nothing but a nasty conglomerate of everything thats perfectly nauseating

i fear im too much yet never enough
i fear im too distant but always too attached
i fear im too pessimistic but far too positive

but really i dont want to know
the thought of truly knowing what im doing terrifies me
knowing will take away from the beautifully abstract mess that is my mind and its curiosity
knowing will cause the weight of anxiety and responsibility to come pressing down on my feeble shoulders
but at the same time it will be lifted
no longer will i worry about hurting others for i will already know the damage ive caused
so really i need to ask them
do i wanna know ?