******* **** I can't do this anymore this makes me more depressed than I've ever known before but I keep doing it because its mature it demonstrates my ability as a thoughtful lil **** but now I just want to be happy, but not to be happy but feel happy as I let people stab my heart, like reaching for roses through the thorns so maybe I won't, ill back pedal a bit, go back to being a child, then try dumb youthful **** like ***** drugs and dirtier **** because being mature meant growing up, so I skipped a few steps and it makes it feel like **** so lets go back to a time before time became something to go back about, because growing up only makes you mature if you've taken the time to mature as you grow up