You are my mother:
I suffer separation anxiety when I'm not with you.
My headphones are the umbilical cord
that keeps me close to you.

Maybe I should invest in scissors.

You are my child:
I must pamper you or else
you'll throw tantrums.

Maybe I should look into tough love.

You are my friend:
I like your company best
and you go nearly everywhere with me.
You never talk back,
but you never talk at all.

Maybe I should make more friends.

You are my lover:
buffering is our foreplay.
You've always been good at seducing me
but the *** is crap.

Maybe we should see other people.