i'm not sure how it works for normal people. but i know how it worked for me.
it was june. i was 21.
i got a call. only a few months they said. but i didnt understand, he's only 5. how could this be. how could god take something so new and special to me.
a few months ended up being 3. he was buried in a kid-sized grave. a family broken apart and a boy to never come of age.
before this loss i always thought there was a point. a plan. god must have things under control right?
but this made me think. how could this little one suffer a short life and painful death of there was a loving god?
didnt seem loving to me. didnt seem like it was real anymore. didnt seem like there was a purpose anymore.
i dont think i comprehended death fully until that moment. when i saw that little body lowered into the ground and realized it would never become big. does it all just really stop? is there no purpose?